Another thing I feel like is that I need to work on some trust issues I have. I take every situation, every word, and over analyze it. I take things the wrong way, I forget to see things simply, but yet my mind goes & complicates it. One little word triggers a flood of thoughts I shouldn't have. No one knows they do it, and especially one person in my life. All it takes it one action, one word. And suddenly I go in to a defensive mode & lock up. And I think the worst. I hate it. I want to feel trusting when I meet someone new, but I just can't. And it's not like him flirting or being extra nice helps ease my mind.
Which leads me to my next point. I can't stand the flirting. It takes a little more attention to a girl over me. It takes telling me to watch what I spend, then paying for her food too. It's him getting mad at me for not wanting someone at my party, for me to not care what they think when I don't care one bit about that person enough to feel bad for wanting something they don't believe in doing. Don't get mad at me for what you did wrong. I will call you out on it. You don't want me flirting with guys or girls, then quit doing it yourself.
And I'm hoping it's not what someone told me once. Something done out of revenge. But I don't think he's like that. I really don't. But I can't but think that after my friend said that to me. But that doesn't mean it doesn't cross my mind that he'll one day do that to me. I love him too much to see us fall. I have to find some way to push this from my mind. Ugh. That's all for now.
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