Don't Let This Be The End

I keep thinking things are gonna get better. They have to. I've waited so long for a resolution, an easier way to live our lives. I say what I feel like, but all it seems like it is, is hot air I wasted. My point will never be valid in those eyes. No matter how valid or invalid it really is. I keep trying, & I keep failing. I'm honestly just tired of it all. I'm ready to leave everything behind & start over where no one knows me or my name. Just live a life free & full. Escape it all. I can't seem to make some people happy. No matter what I do, no matter what I say. I can't win for losing. I keep on trying though. I'm tired of not being appreciated. I'm tired of following in someone else's shadow. I was once given the option to live anywhere I wanted, but I don't think saying where I wanted to be really mattered. Even if I didn't know where I wanted to be, I knew I wanted to be somewhere with him, but be happy. I don't know how I'll be happy so far away. Not saying I'm not gonna try, but I'm just saying I don't know how long I will keep trying.
I find it so hard to be so far away from where my roots are. I had trouble adjusting to being half an hour away. That was the hardest thing I've ever done. And now I'm to uproot myself 22 hours away. And be okay with it. I'm 20 years old. Of course that idea scares the hell out of me. I feel safe where I know my life & the people in it. I may have problems with a lot of people, but I feel established here. I don't know what I want to do to be honest. I have a whole life ahead of me & I gotta start living it up, not settling down. I work my ass off to survive, but for once, all I want to do is have fun & be young. I hate feeling so old. These days I haven't been sleeping. Too much on my mind....
Have you ever felt like a dog was more important than you? I do. In my own home no less. He seems to care more about her needs than my own. I understand she has to be fed, watered, & taken out to pee... I get that. I wouldn't deny her that, but I'm not going to sit at home all day long just so I can. I'm not gonna let my life revolve around that. I like to go out & have random fun with my friends. But in a month, my two best friends will be living their new life in Florida & I'm gonna be the one left alone... Just like I feared. People cant wait on you forever. But I'm not holding anyone back just because I'm a lil selfish. I just wanna live. Be free, have fun. I don't know what I want in my life anymore. I once thought I knew, but shit happens & people change I guess. I've got to start figuring out what makes ME happy. Not someone else. I can't let myself stay unhappy just to please someone else.
I just feel like something has got to give, change, whatever. But if the cycle keeps going & going, I'm gonna break. And then I won't be able to take it anymore... And I'll run, like I always have... Where I'll go... I have no idea. I'm just hoping that things get better. I don't want to lose what I got... But I've got to be happy too...
Anyway. Enough ranting for now...
Beaches or Mountains?